my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
