I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
