When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
