i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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