Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
