I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
