Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
