Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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