I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
