do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize