Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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