you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
