i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Bring me that man meat
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
