Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
