I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
