Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
