My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
