I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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