how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize
