my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize