I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
did i walk over a car last night?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just want to make out with him forever
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
