he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
