I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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