i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My dick has a subreddit
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
