put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
