he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just forgot I was standing up.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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