I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
