he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
