a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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