no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
