Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i would punch a child for taco bell
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
