i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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