Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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