I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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