just come out here and I will go home with you...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
