I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
