I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
