don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize