I hope mine doesn't look like that
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
