we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
