Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
