Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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