i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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