went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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