Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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