Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
FUCK WHALES
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