We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
