Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my shit smells like andre
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
