Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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