I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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