I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
