Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
