I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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