I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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