dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
