My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
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