Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
