3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
