I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
