you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
