he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
