ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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