i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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