we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
