don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
nutella sex= disaster
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
