We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
