see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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