sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
