My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she smelled like a LAN party
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize