Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
