I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
