My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The adults are the big ones right?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
