A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
