we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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