I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
