woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
