I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
