I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
