I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I currently don't understand fingers.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
