Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
