Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
