That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
