You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize