OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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