TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
