i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
