Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
