Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize