either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
