i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
