I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
this is an emotional support booty call
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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