he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize