he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
