It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
