I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
