Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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