My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
