I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
