i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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