you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
