Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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