he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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