i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
