your thong is hanging out like whoa
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
