I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
