That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
