I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
