Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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