I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Is it because I queefed?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
