her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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